The Bruised Banana: an Arsenal podcast

January? More like Banuary if you ask us. It's been such a poor month for Arsenal FC that the entire thing should be struck from the calendar forever more. Just start with February from now on. We tal...

Well, at least we didn’t get tonked. The almost ludicrously eventful New Year’s Day game against Man City is our sole topic of conversation this week. We applaud the performance, dissect the decision ...

We made it. Unlike Prince Philip and the England cricket team, we’ve actually gone and reached a century. 100 episodes of highs, lows, anthems, crests, sacks, superleagues and sighing. What a ride. To...

The Process. We’ve all trusted it. Wholly, and from minute one. Taken it right into our hearts, minds, bodies, and even souls (if they exist). Thomas Aquinas (1225 to 1274) understood the soul to be t...

Yet another Merseyside mauling is the main matter for discussion this week, as we morosely examine the 4-0 loss to Liverpool. Elsewhere, Tom talks us through the giddy glitz and glamour (Boro Primorac...

Ten games unbeaten and everything in the AFC garden is rosy, even when those bastard hornets fly round and try to sting everything in sight and then get their own crusty, old rose man to try and deadh...

Lads, it’s Tottenham. It’s the history of the Tottenham. Ad infinitum. From bottom of the league to above the August champions in just three games. Maybe that Amazon documentary will be worth watching...

We mull over what we liked (and disliked) about the 1 nil win at Burnley, including Aaron Ramsdale’s commanding presence (liked), Takehiro Tomiyasu’s terrific teeth (really liked), and big Sean Dyche’...

It’s the no goals, no points, no hope extravaganza! Three games into the new season and rooted to the bottom of the table, we try to make sense of what’s gone so spectacularly wrong before promptly gi...

It’s the return of the Premier League. The top flight. The promised land. And Arsenal are back. Back once again with the renegade Xhaka, 3-4 damager, with the ill behaviour. Oh goody. Elsewhere, no Eu...

Looks like we made it. Look how far we've come, my Pépé. We mighta took the long way. We knew we'd get 8th someday. They said, "I bet they'll never make it", but just look at us Holding on. We're stil...

We discuss the impact that the sudden rise and fall of the Super League has had on us as fans, mulling over what lies next for both the club and ourselves as supporters. Then it’s onwards to matters f...

We wanted to spend an hour talking about Maty Ryan’s pre-assist. Unfortunately, we were duty bound to talk about everything else that came before it as well. We discuss the disappointing 1-1 draw with...

An insipid home defeat to Liverpool dominates the discourse this week, coming as it does after international break musings and a reflection on 20 years without David Rocastle. The Europa preview takes...

You’d think after a manic 3-3 draw away to West Ham that we’d have nothing but laser-sharp focus for the incident-packed, riveting game itself. You’d be quite wrong. This week’s tangents include capta...

#087: Floating on a cloud

Good old Arsenal, we're proud to say that name. While we sing this song, we'll win the game, and in doing so we’ll banish all negative memories of ‘them’ against us. We’ll s...

Exasperation FC does it again. We ‘assess’ the inexplicable 1-1 draw with Burnley without trying to completely lose our minds. We last about 30 seconds. After the madness at Turf Moor, we head to the ...

A 1-0 loss to Manchester City leaves us staring at 11 defeats for the season, and our 8th in a row against the runaway league leaders. We discuss the team selection, slow start, and whether the scorel...

A 4-2 win over Leeds gets the pulses racing and the nerves jangling. We discuss the ups and downs of the game, and herald the return of our hat-trick-scoring talisman. Then it’s onwards to Benfica as ...

It’s just that sweet Midlands misery, that makes me cry, cry, cry, cry. Successive defeats away at Wolves and Aston Villa leave us wishing we were lucky. Alas, VAR is all around us, and so the ill-fee...

A stalemate at home to Man Utd keeps us ticking along in the league. We discuss the nervy 0-0, honing in on the much-improved-yet-still-lacking Nicolas Pépé. There’s also time to hail our excellent mi...

We’re out of the cup but no matter because we’ve signed Sir Mathew of Ryan from the mighty Brighton & Hove Albion in the loan of the century except it really does matter because we love that bloody co...

Three wins from three, eight goals scored, one against. Wow. We discuss the recent unexpected upturn in fortunes and once again pay tribute to our diamond lights, Kieran and Bukayo. Oh, the weather ou...

“Ohhh Granit Xhaka! You might’ve scored a worldy but you’re still a c…” But you’re not, Bukayo. Nor you, Emile. And definitely not you, Gabriel. You represent hope, and joy, and all things fresh, spar...

We discuss yet another loss. Tom goes to the tip. Alex rants about Walcott. Dan reads the listener comments. Christmas is cancelled. Now it's time to cancel Mikel Arteta and his awful Arsenal team. We...

Four episodes ago we wrote a silly Des’Ree gag for this bit which culminated in ‘...this style of football really is unsustainable and cannot be allowed to continue any further’. Well, continue it has...

Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? The Evil Man has beaten the Culture Club. Again. We ponder over what this means for ‘Project Non-Negotiables’ as we come to terms with...

Stop the football, we want to get off. Yet another lacklustre Premier League display leaves Dan and Tom questioning why we even bother, as Arsenal succumb to a 2-1 defeat at home to Wolves. We pay tri...

Remember goals? A host of opportunities? A string of chances to bulge the net? Seeing said net bulge, presumably after someone’s rifled one home, or maybe finished with aplomb? Goals are nice. Maybe w...

You gotta be good, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser. You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger. You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta generally just play better. All ...

Sir Matt Busby, Sir Alex Ferguson, Sir Bryan Robson, Sir Eric Cantona, Sir Rio of Ferdinand, Ed Woodward, Harry Maguire, Odion Ighalo, the Glazers, Bebé – we have beaten them all, we have beaten them ...

The squibs get damper as we succumb to our second straight 1 nil loss in the league. We look at what went wrong against Leicester before considering what (just about) went right against Rapid, ending ...

We return from the international break to more than familiar territory: a demoralising defeat away to a ‘big six’ club. The dampest of damp squibs takes the spotlight this week, as we wonder whether t...

Chris Wilder’s gilet is crap and nowhere near as good as Mikel Arteta’s glorious and also extremely classy puffer jacket of dreams, and for that reason alone we should’ve been awarded the three points...

Well, at least that’s Anfield out of the way for the season – oh wait, we’re literally playing there again on Thursday – oh wait, that’s only the league cup – oh wait, but they beat us in that on pens...

Two wins from our first two games of the season with a trip to Anfield on the horizon – now, where have we seen that before? We cover the jammy three points against West Ham and wonder if it was simpl...

We woke up today with this feeling. That better things are coming our way. And if the sunshine has a meaning. It's telling us not to let things get in our way. When the rainy days are dying, gotta kee...

A new season. New hopes. New dreams. New expectations. How will the new boys fare? How will the old boys, er, fare?  How many shiny trophies will we haul into our already heaving cabinet of trinkets a...

Yep, it’s that season review episode. With the jubilation of Wembley punctured within days of the trophy fumble, we saw fit to pull out our finest of fine-tooth combs and examine the heck out of the 2...

Mik Arteta’s magic, he wears a magic hat, and when he saw Mes-douzi, he said: “I’m not having that, sod off you pair of gits, I’ve got to guide Granit, direct David, administer Ainsley, enable Emi, an...

And breathe. A mere 350 days after it began, Arsenal’s league season closes out with an unconvincing win over Watford and 8th place in the table. We run through the highlights and lowlights from our l...

#061: Humble and hungry

‘How to rebound from a derby defeat’, by Mikel Arteta. Step one: beat the champions. Step two: beat the cup holders without conceding a goal. Step three: chill. In this most u...

We discuss the hugely disappointing defeat to Spurs, distracting ourselves from the Sead and Shkodran horror show by picturing Martin Tyler as an old cow in a field. Dan’s sack includes questions on L...

A drizzly draw against Leicester is the focus of discussion this week, a dull affair in which nothing of any note took place. And that’s just the game! We cover the controversial moments on the night ...

Our first home game after the restart results in a romp over basement boys Norwich. We reflect on a win that takes us into 7th place and Aubameyang into the record books. There’s also time to revel in...

Our 3rd consecutive away game yields our 3rd away win of the season, 3 precious PL points, and – most vitally of all – 3,000 Bellerín-brand beeches and birches. We run through the sweltering Southampt...

A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her, she forgets she is beautiful. As Brighton complete a first ever league double over the Gunners, one thing becomes painfully clear: ...

Football is back but not as we know it except it is though isn’t it because Arsenal are back and every bit as calamitous as they were 100 days ago and oh god David Luiz and oh god we have to endure th...

In the last of our retrospective episodes before the 19/20 season restarts, we look at the life and times of one Nicolas Anelka at Arsenal. A bargain buy who became a mammoth sale, we look at the goal...

We time travel back to November 1996 to review a classic Arsenal match of yesteryear: Arsène Wenger’s first North London Derby. Driving rain, a crackling atmosphere, and ad hoardings for Kellogg's Str...

With the 2019/20 season on hold, we decided to go back 30 years to 1989/90, a time where shorts were short, hair was long (at least at the back), and Arsenal were about to defend the title. We cover e...

This Friday, the Bruised Banana returns. We've been on hiatus because the world is a bit mad right now but wanted to let you know that, as a special Easter treat, we're laying a Retro Season Review fo...

A more-than-fortunate yet vital 1 nil win over West Ham falls under the microscope this week. We also look ahead to Man City away, while the mailbag compares our current squad to that of 2017/18. 

Tw...

We respond from disappointment in Europe to book our place in the quarter finals of the FA Cup. We discuss Monday’s game of two halves against Portsmouth, before lapsing into some Olympiakos-flavoured...

It’s back-to-back wins in the league for the first time since August as the Arteta effect shows no sign of abating. We discuss Sunday’s triumph over Everton and look back on the midweek game in Athens...

With the winter break now a thing of the past, we’re back with a bumper episode to celebrate the 4-0 win over Newcastle, cast an eye over our two January signings, and condemn our former manager’s com...

Saka and Xhaka earn the praise of the pod this week as we revel in the FA Cup win over the mighty Bournemouth. We discuss the formation of new breakaway club Dial Square FC before turning our attentio...

We catch our breath to discuss the exhilarating 2-2 draw away at Stamford Bridge. There’s Martinelli-fawning, Bellerín-admiring, and general Arteta glee as we triumphantly confirm that, while the madn...

Talking points begin with the eventful draw at Crystal Palace, as our faint hopes of making the top four finally look to be Auba for the season. We then look back at the game of two halves against Lee...

The fun is back, and along with it the hope. We start 2020 with renewed optimism as Mikel’s men dispatch Man Utd with gusto. Our first game of the year dominates the discussion as well as Arteta’s wid...

We don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing we need: a new head coach with flawless hair game, running training at Colney. Yes, Arteta's here, and he's cracking heads! We muse over Mike...

Only three things are certain in life: death, taxes, and meek Arsenal defeats against far superior opposition. We reflect on a week which began with a bang at West Ham, stuttered halfway through in Li...

“We’re never gonna win again, stupid feet have got no rhythm." Wham! Another game, another dollop of Arsenal-flavoured ineptitude. We reflect on the defeat to Brighton as the winless run trundles on. ...

Freddie picks up where Unai left off as a dicey 2-2 draw at Norwich marks his first game in charge as interim boss. We reflect on a tumultuous few days at the club, say our final farewells to Emery, a...

A more than fortunate 2-2 draw at home to Southampton papers over absolutely no cracks whatsoever, and Unai Emery’s still in a job. Things are now so bleak that even Sir Chips Keswick wants to leave. ...

“We all follow the Arsenal, over land and sea (and Leicester). We all follow the Arsenal, onto misery.” The nights are drawing in, but we're not even drawing any more. A routine win for the Foxes leav...

A 1-1 draw at home to Wolves amid another sub-par performance raises yet more questions over the boss's suitability for the top job. Happy birthday, Unai. Happy birthday, mate.
Twitter and Instagram: ...

O Captain! My captain!? An ugly afternoon at the Emirates leaves us asking if there’s any way back from here for ‘Project Protagonists’ or if Emery’s fearful trip is done. We discuss the shameful Xhak...

Ever wondered who’d make the ultimate Arsenal five-a-side team? Who’d be between the sticks, marshalling the defence, bossing the midfield and leading the line? Well, wonder no longer! We’ve assembled...

Another limp display against United has us pondering if we'll ever win at Old Trafford again. Tom rejoices in his new status as self-appointed pod captain, Dan's sack sets the cat amongst the pigeons,...

A stacked pod this week as consecutive wins in Europe, the league and the Carabao do much to lift our collective spirits. We cover each game, taking time to consider whether this recent good spell rep...

It’s anything but smiles at camp TBB as Watford give us what for in a disastrous draw away at the league’s bottom club. Once we’re done being angry and confused, attention switches to the return of th...

We pick the bones out of yet another Anfield defeat, with differing views aplenty on the game and the team’s approach on the day. With the north London derby looming large, we ponder over Spurs’ start...

Burnley get bumped off by Ceballos et al, setting us up nicely for the weekend’s title decider at Anfield. We rate the new boys and preview Liverpool away, hoping for anything but a repeat of December...

One down, 37 to go. Oh, and we’ve only gone and equalled our record for away clean sheets already! We discuss three points on the Toon, including the stand-out performers on the day. There’s time to r...

"A good ball by Tierney finding Ceballos, for Pépé, charging through the midfield, Pépé, it’s up for grabs now! Great finish from Pépé! A glimmer of hope for Arsenal now at 1-3.” That’s right, footbal...

With the ignominy of Baku consigned to the past, we come out of hiding to reflect on - and draw a line under - a year of momentous change for The Arsenal. We up the ups, down the downs, and pick out r...

Excitement and unease dominate proceedings this time out, as the dismal circumstances surrounding the fast-approaching final leave us feeling, well, a bit unsure how to feel. We cast our opinions on t...

We did it - our first European final in 13 years! Against Chelsea! In, er, Azerbaijan! We discuss how we got there after a fantastic night at the Mestalla, what it means for Unai Emery, and how it sha...

Our end of season implosion continues, with defeat to Leicester marking our third loss in a row. We try to figure out how the team has contrived to take just 3 points from a possible 15 against the li...

A rare two-man pod this week as an absent Alex leaves Dan and Tom to hold the fort. We provide reaction to the win over Napoli in what was a great European night at the Emirates. We discuss our star p...

Newcastle become the latest club to feel the wrath of fortress Emirates as we discuss our tenth home league win in a row and how well it bodes for a largely away-based Run In™. Our next Europa League ...

“_Thomas, charging through the midfield. Thomas. It's up for grabs now! Thomas! Right at the end!_” Yeah, we didn’t pick that one. We picked other ones. Headers. Crashing volleys. Impossible shots fro...

Our top four hopes take a dramatic turn for the better as Granit’s wonky whacker sets us on our way to a fine win over United. Sunday’s game, combined with the continued travails of Chelsea and Spurs,...

A somewhat bleak Banana this week as we pick the bones out of the beating at BATE. The players, manager, and tactics all fall under the microscope before we turn our attention to the latest chapter in...

Man City make us moody as we ruminate over what might’ve been at the Etihad. We preview the weekend game at Huddersfield, take a sideways look at BATE Borisov ahead of our next Europa League fixtures,...

A bumper episode welcomes returning friends, new fathers and of course, Arsenal home wins. Along with the Cardiff game we cover the Chelsea win, the Utd loss, and Unai’s general oddness, specifically ...

A new year brings new hope as we start 2019 with wins against Fulham and Blackpool. We cover both games, including Emery's subs, our superlative strikers, the Emirates boo-boys, and Blackpool's heinou...

Bah, humbug. Increasingly humdrum performances away at Brighton and Liverpool have really dampened our spirits, and even a special guest appearance can't fully wrest us from our festive funk. Awful de...

It’s 22 and out as the unbeaten run grinds to a halt with losses to Southampton and Spurs. We discuss both games and the online reaction before turning our attention to Burnley at home and defenders w...

The cult of Torreira steps up another notch as we discuss Huddersfield Town at home and his late, great winner. We also look back on a nerve-jangling game at Old Trafford, delve into some Southampton ...

We make a triumphant return from back spasms to revel in the glory of the 4-2 destruction of Tottenham and preview the midweek clash at Old Trafford. We also examine the Ramsey and Özil situations bef...

Points shared at Selhurst Park are among the points shared this week, as we pick the bones out of the 2-2 draw with Crystal Palace. The Seasiders of Blackpool come under the spotlight ahead of our nex...

We celebrate La Décima Banana by discussing points of interest from the international break, including Arsène’s silky centre back skills. There’s a preview of Leicester at home and reflections on the ...

Cult heroes are a special breed - whether it’s talent, loyalty, or something far more intangible, we all have our reasons for idolising them. In this episode, we look at five of the most iconic player...

Another match, another three points as the Emery Express rolls on with a hard-fought win against Watford. With games coming thick and fast, we look back at Brentford, forward to Fulham, and stop off i...

Episode 7
#007: Cod Greek and pigeon Italian
Five wins on the spin has us all hot and bothered as Laca and Auba save us from a sticky toffee pudding. We also discuss Ivan’s departure to AC Milan, our ...

We discuss the Newcastle game as we loot the Magpies’ nest for our third successive win, before reflecting on the legends game against the not-so-mighty Madrid. We also look ahead to the start of our ...

Join us for the first of our 'Bruised Banana Shorts' episodes. This time we’re looking at shirts - the good, the garish, and the glorious. We remember some personal favourites from over the years and ...

We discuss our win against West Ham and offer Özil some words of comfort as he battles the common cold. We also check in on Arsène as he’s honoured by President George Weah, wax lyrical about Wrighty,...

The Bruised Banana: an Arsenal podcast

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